I wonder if everyone has a moment in life when they realize that they really aren't good at anything..... It has hit me today, as I have been pondering my life, that I am not really good at one single thing. I am ok at a lot of different things, but there is not one thing that I excel at. I am ok at writing, singing, dancing, playing the piano, being nice to people, working, and playing sports. I have never really applied myself to anything for a long period of time.

I played the cello for a few years, but after a semester at college that fizzled out. I played soccer till I was in high school, but that to died. I never really tried hard to be good at pole vaulting or playing the french horn. I only gave the bare minimum in anyone of my classes and in the classes that I did try hard I only received ok marks. I excelled at fencing or plant identification. I only had an ok GPA in grad school and even my GRE scores were nothing to be admired. I can draw, but I gave that up because it took to much time. In a word I am Lazy!

Everywhere I look I see amazing cooks and motivational speakers. I see women who work hard at their jobs or at bettering their minds. I see women that look beautiful and now how to dress nice. I see women other people like to be around and invite to things because they are personable and friendly. Then I look in the mirror and see me. Plain old Jamilee, the girl that pretends is only good at one thing, pretending.

I know everything thinks," Oh, under the surface everyone is struggling and doesn't think they are good at anything." I say that is BS! Their are millions of people out there that are working hard at one thing and are doing amazing at it. There are people that don't give up because it is hard. Their are people out there that excel.

The way I see it there are people out there that are colorful and full of life and passion and then there is everyone else, people who are gray and dull full of nothing but failed attempts and little ambition.

"But Jamie you have a bachelors degree and your finishing your master's degree. You have ambition and drive."

No. All I have is a piece of paper that means that I did the bare minimum for three years and fooled them into letting me graduate. I want to be better than this. I want to be one of those colorful people that burst with passion. I want to let go of my laziness and achieve more in my life. I want to break free from my couch and TV stupor and be the solution!

I want to write well. I want to motivate out of love. I want to be a person that other like. I want to be beautiful and well dressed.

I think the real problem is that I have not found the thing that I am good at. I have been doing things that I thought I would like to do, but I have not found that one thing that I love to do.

I know this is supposed to be a blog about our family, but I guess this is turning into my personal page. I don't care if anyone reads this. In fact I am not even going to post this anywhere, but here.

I know that God loves me. I know I am good at things. I know that no matter what I am not a failure if I keep on doing what I can. I may not be good at everything that I want to be, but each day that I wake-up and start my day with a smile I am a better person for it.

I can be more and I can stop being lazy. It is time to let go of my desires for easy and relish in the hard... After all I don't want my children to always be looking for the easy way out. I want them to dive head first into challenges and find joy in the pain of hard work. I have to be that example.